How to Get Out of Your Own Way
So you’re thinking about therapy. Maybe you’ve been putting it off for months, or perhaps you’ve finally decided it’s time to take that step. Either way, you’re probably wondering what it’ll be like and whether it’ll actually help.
Here’s the thing: therapy can be incredibly powerful, but sometimes we unconsciously get in our own way before we’ve even given it a proper chance. Understanding these common pitfalls before you start can help you get the most out of your investment from day one.
This isn’t about scaring you off – quite the opposite. It’s about going in with your eyes open so you can sidestep the traps that catch many people. Think of this as your pre-therapy prep guide.
1. The Trap of Over-Thinking Everything
What this looks like: You might be the type who’s already researched every therapy technique, read psychology books, and can explain your problems in clinical terms. You’re prepared to analyse everything that happens in session and figure out exactly why you feel the way you do.
Why this might backfire: While self-reflection is brilliant, therapy isn’t a university lecture. If you spend all your time in analysis mode, you might miss the actual healing, which often happens through feeling and experiencing rather than just understanding.
How to prepare differently:
- Go in with curiosity rather than conclusions. You might think you know what your problems are, but be open to surprises.
- Practice sitting with feelings without immediately trying to explain them away.
- Remember that “I don’t know why I feel this way” is a perfectly valid thing to say in therapy.
2. The Good Student Syndrome
What this looks like: You’re already planning to be the best therapy client ever. You’ll never be late, you’ll do all the homework, and you’ll make sure your therapist likes you. You want to be helpful and agreeable because that’s how you get good results, right?
Why this might backfire: If you’re performing being the “perfect client,” your therapist won’t get to see the real you – the one who actually needs help. Plus, therapy often requires you to be messy, confused, and even difficult sometimes.
How to prepare differently:
- Remind yourself that your therapist isn’t marking your performance. They’re there to help, not judge.
- Plan to be honest about things that make you look less than perfect. That’s where the real work happens.
- If something doesn’t feel right or isn’t working, you’re allowed to say so. In fact, please do.
3. Making It About Everyone Else
What this looks like: You’re considering therapy because of relationship problems, work stress, or family drama. You’re ready to spend sessions talking about how difficult other people are and how they need to change.
Why this might backfire: While these external stressors are real and valid, therapy is most effective when you focus on what you can actually control – yourself. If you spend all your time talking about others, you’ll miss opportunities for your own growth.
How to prepare differently:
- Before you start, try shifting your language from “they always…” to “I feel…” or “I struggle with…”
- Think about what you’d like to be different about your own responses, not what you want others to do.
- Consider that the goal isn’t to fix everyone else, but to feel better regardless of what they do.
4. Expecting Constant Drama
What this looks like: Your life feels like one crisis after another, and you’re hoping therapy will help you sort out each new emergency as it arises. You might find yourself waiting for the next big thing to discuss in session.
Why this might backfire: If every session becomes crisis management, you’ll never get to the underlying patterns that might be creating all this chaos. It’s like constantly mopping the floor instead of fixing the leaky pipe.
How to prepare differently:
- Start noticing whether you might be reacting more strongly to situations than necessary. Not everything is an emergency.
- Think about patterns rather than individual events. What themes keep showing up in your life?
- Be prepared to do some deeper work even when things feel relatively calm.
5. Setting Yourself Up for Perfect Progress
What this looks like: You’re hoping therapy will fix everything quickly and efficiently. You’re ready to work hard, follow all the advice, and track your progress carefully. You expect to feel better each week and worry about “wasting” sessions if you don’t.
Why this might backfire: Healing isn’t linear, and there’s no such thing as perfect progress. If you judge every session by whether you feel immediately better, you’ll miss the subtle shifts that matter most.
How to prepare differently:
- Accept that some sessions will feel more helpful than others, and that’s completely normal.
- Remember that sometimes you need to feel worse before you feel better – it’s often part of the process.
- Trust that small changes can add up to big transformations, even if you can’t see them immediately.
Before You Book That First Appointment
The most important thing to remember is that therapy works best when you bring your authentic self – not the version you think will get the best results. Your therapist has seen it all before, and they’re trained to work with resistance, confusion, and even reluctance.
Here are a few things that might help you prepare:
Set realistic expectations. Therapy isn’t a magic cure, but it can create meaningful change over time. Think months, not weeks.
Consider what you actually want. Beyond “feeling better,” what would your life look like if therapy worked? What would be different?
Remember you’re in charge. If something doesn’t feel right with your therapist or their approach, you can speak up or even find someone else. You’re the consumer here.
Trust the process, even when it feels weird. Therapy can feel awkward at first. That’s normal, not a sign it’s not working.
The Bottom Line
You don’t need to be perfect to benefit from therapy – in fact, trying to be perfect might be exactly what’s been holding you back. The courage to seek help is already a huge step, and being aware of these common pitfalls puts you ahead of the game.
The best thing you can do is show up as you are, mess and all, and trust that your therapist knows how to work with whatever you bring. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is simply get out of your own way and let the process unfold.
You’ve got this. Now go book that appointment.
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